rock out like a fucking knockout (gaudydaydreams) wrote,
rock out like a fucking knockout
gaudydaydreams

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So I had this terrifying dream last night. I'm not sure why it was so scary but anyway it's a rarity that I dream, so i was happy.

I'm sitting at home and there's this scarf in front of me that's unfurling incredibly fast, so I start running to follow it. So I"m running along and I get caught up in myself running, the rhthym of my steps and my breathing (I do that when I run sometimes), and when I look down for the scarf I realize that I've passed it by, that it's nowhere in front of me anymore. I turn around and I realize that the scarf isn't there either, so I get really scared because I'm lost in all the nothing (the whole time it was just black except for me and the damn scarf).

Weird/worst part is, throughout it all I was just watching. I couldn't really affect any of it.

Anyway, I sit down on the ground and I realize that it's soft and warm and for some reason I knew it was a blanket. So I start running along the soft until I get to the edge, which I lift up to find this sort of slide, like at chuck e. cheese when we were kids. The slide is lit up along the sides and somehow I thought it was much safer, so I slid. I'm going down this slide and it's so fast that my body seems to split into two copies. Then four, then eight. All of a sudden I was falling, but not on the slide this time, just straight down. All the fractured pieces of myself just molded back together and I closed my eyes and started singing ... i would burn for you.

Yeah, I know. Tres weird.

Next thing I know, the dream is flashed to me in a hospital bed. But as a look around I realize that all the doctors are me too. All the people in the waiting rooms, the little kids with cancer, the bitchy receptionists; they all had my head. I blink and everyone is different again, but the girl in the hospital bed, the girl who's apparently giving birth now, she's still me. So in my head I'm like "fuck that shit. i'm not pregnant", but then all of a sudden all these full grown people start popping out of me. Completely random people too. Like Josh Hayward and Mme. J. Imean... comment le fuck?

By now I'm sure I'm losing my head.

So I run away because everyone's crowding around my... kids i guess... and it seems like they (the kiddos) are trying to break out of the crowd to follow me, but I'm completely terrified that they'll do so. Just terrified of them in general. So I'm running and running and running through this hospital, and I go into the children's ward and duck into a room. I look into the bed and it's me as a little girl. My parents come in with my brother and I remember the scene from when I got my appendix out, so I feel that much safer because I think I know what's happening. Note that me thinking I know what's going to happen is exactly why it won't OF COURSE. So I'm just watching my family all around me and suddenly my brother stands up and leaves. My family follows him. I don't want them to leave of course, becase I'm hurting, but they do and then the little me in the bed starts to age. A year a second or something. And as the life support on me dies, my family rushes in and starts crying and screaming.

The whole time I was thinking 'you should have stayed.'

It's true, and easy to understand. I resent people who lack the strength to stick around.

I don't know if I like dreaming that much.

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